12. February 2023
"Gladys Defies PC Laws" "CRUNCHBUTTOCK IN TROUBLE YET AGAIN WITH ITALIAN LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS" Monday 14th September This was the headline in the Kidderminster Shuttle, The Beano and the Bewdley WI (Department of Multi-Lingual Origami Training) Gazette. Whilst on her usual visit to the stall she ran for her friend Dame Hilda Strutspringle on the beach selling wellingtons, pork scratchings, scaffolding, packets of used paper hankies (Only Used Once, honest) and the XXXXXXXX size single...
12. February 2023
THE TRIALS OF GLADYS CRUNCHBUTTOCK "The Blur Memoirs" In the early years Tony Blur had undergone a specialist operation in "Smile Treatment” to improve his appeal to the media (And to his parents because he had been such ugly baby). Firstly Tony, having previously had an unfortunate accident while trying to remove a sore wisdom tooth when he inadvertently removed his brain at the same time, was sent to the Gadafi Medical Centre in the back of the chip shop in Harrods where Gladys's daughter...
12. February 2023
THE TRIALS OF GLADYS CRUNCHBUTTOCK I'M A CELEBRURY Gladys had been relaxing in the Jacuzzi at the WI headquarters in the upstairs bar of the Snip & Grapple when she took the call from her friend Alicia Plunge from the Bewdley WI Secret Service Section "MAYJS" (Move And You're Jam Sucker) ....... "Sorry to disturb you Gladys but could you nip down the shops later and get us some nibbles for the meeting later, Dame Grizelda's maid's come down with the wimsey and they've taken her down to the...
12. February 2023
WOMEN ONLY DRIVING SCHOOL In this time of Gender equality the Government has agreed to start Women Only Driving Schools. The platform for the course was devised after cameras where placed in strategic areas monitoring women driving in a variety of places, such as outside schools, supermarket car parks, town and city centres, rural country lanes, dual carriageways and motorways etc. The Government spokesperson Professor Albert Crunchbuttock DS, VD & Scar, stressed this was essential to...
12. February 2023
MARIO & STEFANIA Bean Counters (Preface) Before recounting this tail it is important to define "Bean Counter". Sometimes referred to as an "Accountant", or more often as an "Acuntant", they can be male, female, transvestite, hermaphrodite, or undead and they all possess certain unique characteristics, IE: Mean, selfish, devious, Grade A liar's and self important to Olympian proportions together with the interpersonal skills of a Woodlouse after a Lobotomy An excerpt taken from the handbook...
12. February 2023
Mario & Stefania CHAPTER THREE The Bean Counters Wife (An addendum to Chapter Two on Bean Counters) It was a sad day for the staff at the bank in Igygusssukyyyyybach when the head Bean Counter Mr Alfred Pickle had actually failed to get any money from that horrible Italian couple and in particular for Gwendolen who was one of the cashiers. The banks Abacus had often broken down before when Gwendolen had another of her frequent sodding headaches. This was to do with Alfred that prat of a...
12. February 2023
MARIO & STEFANIA Bean Counters Before recounting this tail it is important to define "Bean Counter". Sometimes referred to as an "Accountant", or more often as an "Acuntant", they can be male, female, transvestite, hermaphrodite, or undead and they all possess certain unique characteristics, IE: Mean, selfish, devious, A Grade liar's and self important to Olympian proportions together with the interpersonal skills of a Woodlouse after a Lobotomy An excerpt taken from the handbook entitled...
11. February 2023
THE TRIALS OF GLADYS CRUNCHBUTTOCK "TROUBLE AT THE TOP" Gladys and her WI friend Caroline Pole-Jumper (No not her majesty, this one had a passion for the the drink which can't be a bad thing), were walking through the woods one evening looking for fern fronds, toadstool roots and Wild Snail Droppings, (This mixed with Marmite made excellent colostomy bags for the more unfortunate ladies in the WI when caught short on one of the walks). The added advantage was those ferns not used where...
10. February 2023
TONY' & CHEERY It was one day when Stefania was washing the Octopus's wig when Tony Blur appeared on her doorstep, he'd been canvassing on behalf of Comrade Stalin Corbinski and trying to sell her the lie about the Whoppers of Mass Destruction. She'd recognised him immediately as the lying toe rag who still owed her the 75 pence he owed her for the operation she'd performed on remodelling his nose to stop it glowing like a beacon when he lied. "Oy red nose where's the bleedin 75 pence you...
08. February 2023
THE TRIALS OF GLADYS CRUNCHBUTTOCK "A Simple Politicians Life" Gladys had sent her latest report to Alicia Plunge in the Bewdley WI Secret service section MAYJS (Move And You're Jam Sucker). According to the surveillance camera's and microphone's secreted in the leaves of the Marshmallow spider plants they had placed in Parliamentary offices throughout the world the MAYJS department could keep tabs on what the Morons were up to next. There wasn't much new, the silly buggers in The Houses of...